Hello, good morning everybody. How are you all doing? Keeping well, I hope 🤞🏽 Since my last post I’ve had two appointments, the first one (which happened last Wednesday) was at the Doctors to get my ears checked, they said the inner tragus (the part just inside the ear) is red and inflamed so I’ve been given some cream to help, hopefully it works soon as I’ve been using it a week and so far no change, otherwise I have to go back for more treatment. My second appointment was my routine eye test that I haven’t had in a few years. My eyesight has changed a bit (especially in my right eye) so I have to get new reading glasses so I can see things better, but other than that everything else is OK!
On with this weeks post, which yes you’ve guessed it, it’s the fifth installment of the Friends Characters quotes, and today it’s all about the loyal; reliable, Pizza and Sandwich-loving Joey! Lets start shall we…
50 Of The Best Joey Tribbiani Quotes
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? Because if he doesn’t like you, this is all a moo point.
Rachel: Huh. A “moo” point?
Joey: Yeah. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s “moo.”
Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense? (7×8 – The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs)
Waiter: How was everything, sir?
Joey: Excellent. The shrew, in particular, was exquisite.
Waiter: Well, I hope you’ve got some room left.
Waiters: [singing] Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday, dear-
Joey: Joey. Joey.
Waiters: Joey. Happy birthday to you.
Joey: This is the best birthday ever! (9×5 – The One With Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner)
Joey: Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were stuck in here all night with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said “Rachel” at the wedding, I figured it was going to happen again. So I hid this in here.
Monica: Candy bars, crossword puzzles-
Phoebe: Ooh, “Mad Libs”! Mine!
Joey: Hey, you don’t know how long we’re going to be in here. We may have to re-populate the Earth.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that? (5×5 – The One With The Kips)
Donny Osmond: Now, Gene, I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game. All right. Describe for Joey “things you find in your refrigerator.”
Joey: Bah, they might as well just give us the points.
Donny Osmond: Give me 20 seconds on the clock. Ready? Go.
Gene: You put this in your coffee.
Joey: A spoon. Your hands. Your face.
Gene: It’s white.
Joey: Paper. Snow. A ghost!
Gene: It’s heavier than milk.
Joey: A rock. A dog. The Earth.
Gene: Pass. You put this on a sandwich.
Joey: Salami. Anchovies. Jam.
Gene: It’s white.
Joey: Paper. Snow. A ghost!
Gene: It’s made from eggs.
Gene: Pass. You put this on a hamburger.
Gene: Stop. (10×11 – The One Where The Stripper Cries)
Recorded Female Voice: Cigarettes don’t control you. You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
Joey: Joey’s your best friend. You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day. And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants. (3×18 – The One With The Hypnosis Tape)
Monica: I mean, I thought I would pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn’t bend that way. So …
Ross, Rachel and Phoebe: Ew!
Joey: That’s right. I stepped up. She’s my friend and she needed help. If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you.
Joey: Only I couldn’t. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So I turned to Chandler.
Chandler: [screaming] Joey kept screaming at me, “Do it now. Do it. Do it now!” Sometimes, late at night, I can still hear the screaming.
Joey: [chuckles] That’s because sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out. (4×1 – The One With The Jellyfish)
Chandler: Okay, I’m going to be moving out, so you are going to be in charge of paying the rent.
Joey: Right. And when is that due?
Chandler: On the first of the month.
Joey: And that’s every month?
Chandler: No, just the months you actually want to live here.
Chandler: Okay, here’s the phone bill.
Joey: Oh, my God.
Chandler: That’s our phone number. (6×6 – The One On The Last Night)
Joey: ‘Sup? ‘Sup, dude?
Chandler: Take whatever you want, just please don’t hurt me.
Joey: So you playing a little PlayStation, huh? That’s whack. PlayStation is whack. ‘Sup with the whack PlayStation, ‘sup? (7×1 – The One With Monica’s Thunder)
Joey: I got a science question. If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, “homo” sapiens, is that why they’re extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, I’m not judging. (3×8 – The One With The Giant Poking Device)
Joey: I’d like to propose a toast to Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world, and my best friends. Now, when I first found out they were getting married, I was a little angry. I was like, “Why, God? Why? How could you take them away from me?!” But then I thought back over all our memories together. Some happy memories. [laughs] And there were some sad memories. [whimpers] I’m sorry. And some scared memories. Whoa! And then I realized I’ll always be their friend. Their friend who can speak in many dialects, and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. Oh, to the happy couple. (8×1 – The One After I Do)
Joey: Ginger and I had gone out a few times. Then one weekend, we went to her Dad’s cabin, just me, her and her annoying little dog, Pepper. That night I cooked this really romantic dinner.
Monica: You gave her food poisoning.
Joey: I wish. After dinner, me, her and Pepper fell asleep in front of the fire. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the fire was dying out, so I picked up a log and threw it on. Or at least what I thought was a log.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. You threw Pepper on the fire.
Joey: I wish. See, another thing that I probably should’ve told you about Ginger is that she kind of has a … artificial leg.
Monica: Oh, my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?
Joey: I ran! (3×14 – The One With Phoebe’s Ex-Partner)
Mike: Joey, I kind of have a lot to do today. What do you want?
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very, very important to me, okay? And I wanna make sure you are gonna take care of her.
Mike: Joe, I love Phoebe. She’s the single most important thing in my life. I’d die before I let anything happen to her.
Joey: That’s what I wanted to hear. Because she’s family, okay? And now you’re gonna be family. And there’s nothing more important in the whole world than family.
Mike: That must have been one lousy movie.
Joey: That was me! (10×12 – The One With Phoebe’s Wedding)
Joey: It’s all London, baby. Here we go. [takes a Polaroid picture of Chandler]
Chandler: Got your passport?
Joey: Yeah, in the third drawer of my dresser. You don’t want to lose that.
Chandler: [Chandler stares at Joey] … There it is! (4×23 – The One With Ross’s Wedding: Part 1)
Rachel: Joey, remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about? [Joey covers his ears] I’m not going to tell you. But if you found out on your own that would be okay and we could talk about it, right?
Joey: Well, then it wouldn’t be a secret. So, yeah, that would be okay. Yeah.
Rachel: Hey, Joe, would you mind going over into Chandler’s bedroom and getting that book back that he borrowed from me?
Joey: Now? You want me to go over there now? Do you know something?
Rachel: Do you know something?
Joey: I might know something.
Rachel: I might know something too.
Joey: What’s the thing you know?
Rachel: Oh, no. I can’t tell you unless you tell me what I know.
Joey: Well, I can’t tell you what I know.
Rachel: Then I can’t tell you what I know.
Joey: Okay, fine. [Joey and Rachel look at each other] You don’t know.
Rachel: All right. How about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler’s bedroom and I will see the thing that I think I know is actually the thing I think I know!
Joey: [gasps] You know!
Rachel: And you know!
Joey: Yeah, I know!
Rachel: Chandler and Monica? Oh, this is unbelievable! How long have you known?
Joey: Too long. Oh, Rach, I’ve been dying to talk to someone about this for so long. But, listen, you can’t say anything to anybody. They’re so weird about that. (5×11 – The One With All The Resolutions)
Janine: You know, I just don’t feel that way about you.
Joey: Oh. I see what happened. It’s because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you’d feel a lot different if I turned it on.
Janine: I don’t think so.
Joey: Oh, I do. How you doin’?
Janine: I’m okay.
Joey: Oh, dear God. (6×7 – The One Where Phoebe Runs)
Joey: Hello? Emma? Hey. Hi. How are you? How are you? Where are your babysitters, huh? Why is the bedroom door closed? You can’t have S-E-X when you’re taking care of a B-A-B-l-E. (9×14 – The One With The Blind Dates)
Joey: Can you believe they’re still not here?
Ross: I know. A double blind date and we both get stood up. What are the chances?
Joey: I know, I’m so bummed. Could we have our free crab cakes now?
Joey: We’ve been stood up. And we want our free crab cakes.
Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody’s betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
Steve: I have such fat hands! (9×14 – The One With The Blind Dates)
Joey: Are you still here?
Chandler: Yes. And I have to say I am not just hurt, I’m insulted. When I tell somebody I did something-
Joey: Okay, hold on, let me just stop you right there, okay? First, you lied. Right? Then you lied about lying, okay? Then you lied about lying about lying, okay? So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about lying- Stop lying.
Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn’t watch this tape?
Joey: You wanna know why? You wanna know why?
Rachel: Well, this is going well.
Joey: Here’s how I know you didn’t watch the tape. If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. All right, now, remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan.
(On The Advert Tape) Advertisement Narrator: Ichiban. Ichiban, lipstick for men.
Joey: Ichiban, lipstick for men. Saikou! (End Of Tape)
Joey: And that’s how I know you didn’t watch the tape.
Chandler: He really is a chameleon. (10×6 – The One With Ross’s Grant)
Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
Joey: Well, you wouldn’t let me in, so I thought you were in trouble.
Chandler: Well, we’re not.
Joey: But you called me “Bert.” That’s our code word for danger.
Chandler: We don’t have a code word.
Joey: We don’t? We really should. From now on, “Bert” will be our code word for danger. (10×7 – The One With The Home Study)
Rachel: Why don’t we play rock, paper, scissors, and whoever loses, goes in first.
Joey: All right, I’m in.
Joey: Ha, ha! I win.
Ross: What is that?
Joey: That’s fire. It beats everything.
Phoebe: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon?
Joey: Well played, Phoebe Buffay. Well played. (10×8 – The One With The Late Thanksgiving)
Sarah: Oh, my God. Mmm.
Joey: All right, I’ll just have what she’s having.
Waiter: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. That was our last piece.
Sarah: Oh, no. This is work. I should call in. Can you excuse me?
Joey: Yeah, sure. No problem.
Sarah: What are you doing? I thought you don’t share food?
Joey: Sure I do. Coulis?
Sarah: No. If I can’t have your clams, you can’t have my dessert. This is a two-way street.
Joey: [laughs] Really?
Sarah: Really. Now this all better be here when I come back.
Joey: Yeah, of course. I can control myself.
Joey: [to the dessert] Stop staring at me! Just a tiny little taste- Uh-oh.
Joey: I’m not even sorry. (10×9 – The One With The Birth Mother)
Joey: But it is odd how a woman’s purse looks so good on me, a man.
Rachel: Exactly. Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No. No, Joey. U-N-I sex.
Joey: Well, I ain’t gonna say no to that. (5×13 – The One With Joey’s Bag)
Ross: Hey, Joey.
Chandler: Hey, buddy.
Monica: Hey, Joey. What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if little Joey’s dead, then I got no reason to live, you know?
Ross: Joey, omnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, l’m sorry. I had no idea. (1×4 – The One With George Stephanopoulos)
Joey: Okay, done!
Monica: What’s “pleh”?
Joey: That’s “help” spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air.
Monica: Ha. What’s “dufus” spelled backwards? (3×17 – The One Without The Ski Trip)
Phoebe: Okay, now’s not the time, Joey, all right. You can yell at me tomorrow.
Joey: Wait, no, no, Pheebs. I’m not gonna yell at you. I just started thinking about you and David and I remember how bummed you were the first time he left, I just- Oh, Pheebs, come here. Are you okay?
Phoebe: No, I’m not okay. The only guy I’ve ever been crazy about is going to Minsk and I may never see him again.
Joey: You could always visit him.
Phoebe: Oh, right. Like they’re going to let me have a passport.
Joey: Anything I can do? Whatever you need.
Phoebe: Well, now if you achieve positronic distillation of subatomic particles, you know, before he does then he could come back. [Phoebe and Joey hug]
Joey: I could give it a shot. (7×11 – The One With All The Cheesecakes)
That’s all for Joey’s edition of the best Characters Quotes, I hope you enjoyed them! 😃 Stay tuned for the best of Phoebe Quotes (coming soon). Thank you for reading my blog, I hope you all enjoy the sunny weather (whilst we have it), and enjoy the rest of the week! See you next Wednesday ❤️