Best Ross Quotes

Hello everybody, how are you all doing? Good hopefully. I had such a great weekend, I got to see Kim and Chris (my Sister and Brother) outside for the first time in ages, obviously complying with the rules and got to meet my little Nephew Isaac…FINALLY! I can’t believe how much he’s changed in 3 months, from the first photo Kim sent us to seeing him in person, it’s just amazing how much he’s grown, I love him so much. It was also nice just to have a chat with my sister in person, I’ve missed her a lot – we’re a very close family, that this past year has been hard not to be able to see them as I’m sure is the case for everyone. Even though we’re still going through tough times, this Easter has been one of the best I’ve ever had!

Now on with today’s post, which you’ve probably already guessed is another installment of quotes from a Friends character and this weeks edition is… Ross! So lets start…

50 Best Ross Quotes

Ross: “Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. I seem to have forgotten a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? Thank you. Okay, a toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, Band-Aids, shaving cream, after shave. And I feel like I’m forgetting something. Is there anything else you have that I haven’t asked for already? Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.” (9×19 – The One With Rachel’s Dream)

Ross: “But I don’t understand how any of this happened. What, did she find the ring in my jacket, assume I was gonna propose, throw it on and just start telling people?”
Phoebe: “No, no. She said you actually proposed to her.”
Ross: “Well, I didn’t. I didn’t propose. Unless… Did I? I haven’t slept in 40 hours. And it does sound like something I would do.” (9×1 – The One Where No One Proposes)

Ross: “Yeah, I- I’m just, I don’t know. I don’t understand … how this happened. We used a condom.”
Rachel: “I know. But you know, condoms only work, like, 97% of the time.”
Ross: “What? What? What?! Well, they should put that on the box!”
Rachel: “They do.”
Ross: “No, they don’t! Well, they should put it in huge block letters!” (8×3 – The One Where Rachel Tells…)

Ross: “See? Once you know the stories, it’s not that bad. First marriage: Wife’s hidden sexuality.
Not my fault. Second marriage: Said the wrong name at the altar. A little my fault. Third marriage: Well, they really shouldn’t allow you to get married when you’re that drunk and have writing all over your face. Nevada’s fault.” (6×2 – The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel)

Ross: “No, it’s not that. Now, what I’m going to say to you, I’m not saying as your friend. Okay, I’m saying it as Monica’s older brother.”
Chandler: “But you’re still my friend?”
Ross: “Not for the next few minutes.”
Chandler: “During this time, are you still my best man?”
Ross: “No.”
Chandler: “Do I still call you Ross?”
Ross: “Okay. You guys are getting married tomorrow, and I couldn’t be more thrilled for both of you. But as Monica’s older brother, I have to tell you this: If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass.”
[Chandler laughs]
Ross: “What? I’m serious”.
[Chandler laughs]
Ross: “Hey, dude. Stop it. I’m not kidding here.”
Chandler: “Okay, I hear what you’re saying and thanks for the warning.”
Ross: “No problem.”
Chandler: “So are we friends again?”
Ross: “Yeah.”
Chandler: “Okay. You won’t believe what Monica’s older brother just said to me!” (7×23 – The One With Monica and Chandler’s Wedding: Part 1)

Ross: “Besides, you know, everything’s gonna be fine. The baby’s sleeping.”
Rachel: “What if she jumps out of the bassinet?”
Ross: “Can’t hold her head up, but yeah jumped.”
Rachel: “Oh, my God. I left the water running.”
Ross: “Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?”
Rachel: “Wait. Did I leave the stove on?”
Ross: “You haven’t cooked since 1996.”
Rachel: “Is the window open? Because if the window’s open, a bird could fly in there and-“
Ross: “Oh, my God. You know what, I think you’re right. Listen.”
Rachel: “What? What?”
Ross: “A pigeon. No. Wait. An eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumped across the apartment to the mighty bird’s aid. The eagle, however, misconstrued this as an act of aggression and grabbed the baby in its talons. Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment.”
Rachel: “Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that’s true.” (9x 5- The One With Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner)

Ross: “Well, how bad is it?”
Tanning Salon Guy: “Not that bad yet. But it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.”
Ross: “So how dark is it going to get?”
Tanning Salon Guy: “You got sprayed with two twos and-“
Ross: “I’m a four?”
Tanning Salon Guy: “Yeah, but your back’s a zero. You’re gonna wanna even that out.”
Ross: “Really?”
Tanning Salon Guy: “You might wanna get back in there.”
Ross: “Oh, okay!” (10×3 – The One With Ross’s Tan)

Ross: “I can’t believe we’re gonna be the only people that aren’t in this wedding.”
Chandler: “I know. I hate being left out of things.”
Ross: “And it’s a wedding. It’ll be weird if I’m not in it.” (10×12 – The One With Phoebe’s Wedding)

Ross: “Okay, is everybody clear? We’re gonna pick it up and move it. All we need is teamwork, okay? We’re gonna lift the car and slide it out. Lift and slide.”
Rachel: “Ross, I really don’t think this-“
Ross: “Lift and slide.” (7×14 – The One Where They All Turn Thirty)

Ross: “I see lotion. I have lotion. Will that work?”
Joey: “Yeah, sure. Throw some of that on there.”
Ross: “Hold on.”
Joey: “Ross, you okay?”
Ross: “They’re still not coming on, man. And the lotion and the powder have made a paste!”
Joey: “Really? Uh, what color is it?”
Ross: “What difference does that make?”
Joey: “Well, if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won’t know the difference.” (5×11 – The One With All The Resolutions)

Joey: “All right, well, I guess we know what we have to do to get down.”
Ross: “Yeah, I guess we don’t have a choice. [shouting] Help us! Please, help us! We’re stuck up on the roof, and we can’t get down!”
Joey: “Ross. I was thinking we’d just go down the fire escape.”
Ross: “I know. I wasn’t finished. [shouting] But don’t worry! We’re gonna go down the fire escape!” (7×12 – The One Where They’re Up All Night)

Ross: “Chan, can I talk to you for a second?”
Chandler: “Sure. What’s up?”
Ross: “Just one additional relationship thought. Something you’re already probably familiar with. Women talk.” [Ross hits Chandler on the head with a magazine] (3×3 – The One With All The Jam)

Rachel: “Ross, my father doesn’t hate you.”
Ross: “Please. He refers to me as “Wet-Head.”” (3×7 – The One With The Race Car Bed)

Chandler: “So how many you sold so far?”
Ross: “Check this out. Five hundred and seventeen boxes.”
Chandler: “Oh, my God. How did you do that?”
Ross: “Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium. Without even trying, I sold 50 boxes. That’s when it occurred to me. The key to my success: the munchies. So I started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me … [stoned voice] “Cookie Dude”.” (3×10 – The One Where Rachel Quits)

Ross: “I didn’t know what I took responsibility for. I didn’t finish the letter.”
Rachel: “What?”
Ross: “I fell asleep.”
Rachel: “You fell asleep?”
Ross: “It was 5:30 in the morning and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back! By the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means “you are.” Y-O-U-R means “your.”” (4×1 – The One With All The Jellyfish)

Ross: “Okay, a coin toss to decide who goes first. [Ross flips a coin, everyone watches it land] Okay, somebody call it this time!” (4×12 – The One With The Embryos)

Ross: “Please, Paul. Just let me explain.”
Paul: “No. Let me explain. Fired!”
Ross: “Okay, fine. Fine. Have me fired. But, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean l, too, am a “neat guy.””
Paul: “What?”
Ross: “And l, too am “just a love machine.”” [humming, grunts]
Paul: “Ross, let me show you where the guest room is.” (6×22 – The One Where Paul’s The Man)

Ross: “These are pretty good.”
Phoebe: “Yeah, but not as good as batch 17.”
Ross: “Which one was that?”
Monica: “The ones we had right after you almost threw up.”
Ross: “Oh, yeah, batch 17 was good. I did not like batch 16. [gipping] I’m okay.” (7×3 – The One With Phoebe’s Cookies)

Ross: “You’re right. They are scary. [screams] She just ate a treat out of my hand!” (7×8 – The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs)

Monica: “Ross, the neighbors ate all my candy.”
Ross: “Mine stole my newspaper. It’s like a crime wave.” (7×9 – The One With All The Candy)

Ross: “Mr. Morse? Can I speak to you for a moment?”
Mr. Morse: “That was a great lecture today. Did you get a little haircut?”
Ross: “Yeah, yeah. Do you like it? Do you love it? I just want you to know that I’m changing your grade back.”
Mr. Morse: “What? Why?”
Ross: “Because I know what you’re trying to pull here. Okay, it’s not going to work.”
Mr. Morse: “I’m not trying to pull anything. Look, I love you, dude.”
Ross: “You know what, I’m not even gonna talk about this. This little “thing” is over. I know you have a girlfriend. Okay, yeah. And I know about the other professors. How do you think that makes me feel, Ned? You used me! You don’t love me and you never did! Professor Winston.
Professor Frederickson. I’ll be right with you. [to Ned] Don’t make this worse and I’ll give you a “C.” Shall we?” (7×18 – The One With Joey’s Award)

Officer Petty: “Good evening, sir. Do you know how fast you were traveling back there?”
Ross: “No, I don’t, but it could not have been more than 60.”
Officer Petty: “You’re right. It was 37.”
Ross: “I mean, you’re not going to give me a ticket for driving too slow, are you?”
Officer Petty: “That’s right.”
Ross: “You know, officer. I had the weirdest dream last night.”
Rachel: “Oh, my God!”
Officer Petty: “Your license, please.”
Ross: “You don’t want to hear about my dream Officer Pretty?”
Officer Petty: “It’s Petty. I’ll be right back with your ticket.”
Rachel: “You have a son.”
Ross: “I know. I know.” (7×22 – The One With Chandler’s Dad)

Ross: “Hey. I made up that joke and told it to you.”
Joey: “Not knowing when to shut up.”
Ross: “Yep, that’s my thing.” (9×6 – The One With The Male Nanny)

Ross: “Look at you. You are the cutest little baby ever. You’re just a little-bitty baby, you know that? But you’ve got-You’ve got big, beautiful eyes. Yes, you do. And a- And a big, round belly.
Big baby butt. [chuckles] I like big butts. [rapping] I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can’t deny. When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist. And a round thing in your face. You get-“
[Emma giggles]
Ross: “Oh, my God, Emma. You’re laughing. Oh, my God. You’ve never done that before, have you? You’ve never done that before. Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.” (9×7 – The One With Ross’s Inappropriate Song)

Rachel: “Look, you made it into a bunny. How did you do that?”
Ross: “Well, I just made these two things cheeks. And then I split this to make ears.”
Rachel: “Well, I am very impressed.”
Ross: “Some can sing, some can dance. I, apparently, can turn phallic cakes into woodland creatures.” (10×4 – The One With The Cake)

Thank you for reading my blog, before I go I just want to say – I hope you enjoy the rest of the week 😃 but for now stay safe and I will see you next Wednesday!