Best Terry Jeffords Quotes!

Good morning, friends! I hope you’re all well. This week has actually been less eventful for once. That might be partly because it has been absolutely freezing here in the U.K. and we haven’t really wanted to venture too far away from the house, and also because it is officially the beginning of my dad’s busy period delivering packages for Christmas for a month straight with no days off. We have had a couple of odd appointments here and there, the main one this week being to do with my mum and her upcoming procedure which will be happening sometime in the new year. Still, other than that, we’ve mostly had a quiet week, which has been helpful as it’s given us time to use the Black Friday Deals to get presents, so we’ve used that to our full advantage! And apart from that, I’ve been resting a lot as unfortunately, my body is starting to head into a crash due to my CFS/ME, and I’ve also somehow managed to burn my hip to the extent I now have a huge burn/water blister covering my whole side, so moving about has been quite problematic anyway.

Moving on from my little ramble, this week’s post is the last installment of Character Quotes and we’re ending Brooklyn 99’s run with the yogurt-loving teddy bear that is Terry Jeffords. Sergeant Terry Jeffords is a multi-faceted and complex man. Or as he might put it – Terry has layers. He’s a warrior and a poet (even if his novel writing skills aren’t the best), and he looks after the Nine-Nine as if they were his own family. He is the strongest individual in the precinct but is most in touch with his emotions. An advocate for his fellow detectives and officers, nothing can stop Terry when he puts his mind to it. Given Terry’s love for his officers and his tendency to simply state how he feels, there have been many memorable quotes from him over the years. Here are some of his best quotes, straight from the Ebony Falcon himself!

Sergeant Jeffords: “You should take my minivan.”
Rosa: “A minivan? Ha ha.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn’t like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!” (1×2 – The Tagger)

Sergeant Jeffords: “I’m playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I’m hydrated as hell, and I’m listening to Sheryl Crow. I’ve got my own party going on.” (2×12 – Beach House)

Sergeant Jeffords: “Let’s do this. I can’t wait to get on a plane. I used up my miles, and upgraded to first class.”
Rosa: “Damn, Sarge.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “This is gonna be great. Sipping on a mimosa, snacking on a hummus trio, watching “Bridget Jones’s Baby.” (5×9 – 99)

Sergeant Jeffords: “You know why I became a cop?”
Captain Holt: “Please share.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Because when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a superhero.”
[flashback to young Terry trying to stop a bully:]
Sergeant Jeffords: “Stop it! Stop bothering little Terry!”
Bully: “Or what?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Or I will defeat you!
[as the bullies back off, Terry looks behind him and sees a black male police officer] Whoa.”
[present:]
Sergeant Jeffords: “I wanted to help people like that cop helped me. But right now, I don’t feel like a superhero. I feel the opposite. When I got stopped the other day, I wasn’t a cop. I wasn’t a guy who lived in a neighborhood looking for his daughter’s toy. I was a black man, a dangerous black man. That’s all he could see: a threat. And I couldn’t stop thinking about my daughters. And their future. And how years from now, they could be walking down the street, looking for their kids’ Moo Moo, and get stopped by a bad cop. And they probably won’t get to play the police card to get out of trouble. I don’t like that thought, and I’m gonna do something about it. So I don’t care if it might hurt my career. I’m filing that report. Even if I have to go over your head to do it.” (4×16 – Moo Moo)

Sergeant Jeffords: “Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Let’s start with the eyes. Were they desperate, lonely? Did they betray heartache?”
Victim: “They were brown.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Do you even want your purse back?” (1×4 – M.E. Time)

Sergeant Jeffords: “Look, it’s mandatory, it’s not up for debate, but we’ll get through it ’cause we’re the best squad in the city with the nicest hair, the kindest eyes.”
Captain Holt: “He’s buttering us up again, so more bad news is coming.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “HR said they’re sending a funny guy.”
All: “No!” (7×3 – Pimento)

Amy: “Sorry you missed your daughter’s concert.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “No, no, it’s okay. Sharon totally understood. After I lied to her and said we had to stay late because Rosa got shot. Next time you see her, walk with a limp.”
Rosa: “Copy that.” (7×9 – Dillman)

Jake: “Terry?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “I’m out. Terry is retiring from heisting. I don’t have anything left to prove after my win last year.”
Jake: “But we need you. What if one of us has a plan that involves a big, strong brute?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Not a great sales pitch, Jake. Terry is going out on top.” (7×11 – Valloweaster)

Sergeant Jeffords: [singing] “Casecation, all I ever wanted Casecation, had to get away Casecation- The vibe in here is really weird.”
Rosa: “I think they’re having a fight.” (6×12 – Casecation)

Jake: “Continue with your story, Sarge.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “I knew you’d suggest a heist as a distraction from my Lieutenant exam, then all I had to do was sit back and watch as everyone took things way too far.”
Amy: “But how’d you know we’d get so out of hand?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “I spent the last six months sowing the seeds of conflict.” (6×16 – Cinco De Mayo)

Amy: “Well, Sarge, what’s it gonna be, pictures of your kids or those suspenders?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Terry can’t throw his family away, but these are nice suspenders.”
Amy: “Are they special in some kind of way?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Damn, Amy, I told you about the leather yoke!”
Amy: “Terry, you’re clinging. Munkensmat.” (6×7 – The Honeypot)

Sergeant Jeffords: “Also, there’s no way she even knows I waited.”
Amy: “The gift you bought her, did you buy it when you first wanted to break up with her or when you finally did it?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “The first time! But why would that matter – the gift receipt!”
Gina: “They all break eventually. Get him out of my sight.” (4×14 – Serve & Protect)

Sergeant Jeffords: “What is taking so long with those keys? I gotta hit that pillow top. It’s starfish o’clock.” (4×17 – Cop-Con)

Jake: “Tell him about the inscription.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “You probably don’t remember, but 30 years ago, I wrote you a letter telling you how lonely and sad I was, and you sent me a book with the inscription, “We all write our own stories,” and it changed my life.”
D.C. Parlov: “I do remember you.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “You do?”
D.C. Parlov: “I do indeed, and I’m delighted you made something of yourself. As the Cloud Rock says-“
Both: “You found yourself in your struggle.”
Jake: “Wow.”
Both: “The truth is what you came for, and you found it within your strife.”
Jake: “Well, that was cool.”
Both: “Be brave for Tolgan.”
Jake: “There’s more.”
Both: “Tolgan the last, Tolgan the first, Tolgan.”
Jake: “Tolgan.” Is it over?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Yes. This is the best day of my life.”
Jake: “You have three kids, Terry.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “I said what I said!”
Jake: “All right.” (4×8 – Skyfire Cycle)

Amy: “Terry, you’re on hair and makeup. I’ve seen your little girls’ pigtails, so I know you can do it.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “They actually prefer my hair work to their mommy’s. [giggles] I love their little heads.” [sobs]
Rosa: “Terry, what’s going on, man?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “It’s just a matter of time before I’m doing their hair at their weddings. [stammers] It goes so fast. They’re still babies!”
Amy: “Pull it together, Jeffords!” (4×16 – Monster In The Closet)

Sergeant Jeffords: “Look, being a good husband is about caring enough to try.
This whole day, you’ve been doing everything possible to make sure Amy was happy.
You keep doing that, you gonna be okay, even if you make some mistakes.” (5×21 – White Whale)

Captain Holt: “So, Terry, you decided not to throw a party for Teri-with-an-I?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “You were right. Why bother trying to win over a stranger when I can make someone I care about happy instead?”
Captain Holt: “Well, for the record, Jeffords I like you a lot and I always have.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “All right. Whatever.”
Captain Holt: “I taught him well.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Who am I kidding? Terry needs a hug!” (5×6 – The Venue)

Captain Holt: “Okay. It was a two-man job.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “No, I didn’t steal your pie either. I lied about the gym because I was still trying to find a Perry the Parrot for Ava. I forgot it was her birthday coming up and by the time I realized, the dumb toy was all sold out. I just didn’t want you guys to know what a horrible dad I really am.” (5×7 – Two Turkeys)

Jake: “Terry, do you copy?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “I copy.”
Jake: “Seriously? You’re still mad at me?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “All I said was “I copy.”
Jake: “Yeah, but you had a tone. Just admit it.”
Rosa: “Let it go, Jake.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “No, he’s right. Terry had a tone. Terry had a big-time tone.” (5×8 – Return To Skyfire)

Sergeant Jeffords: “Everything’s spoiled. My lunch is ruined. My chicken, my potatoes, pasta, my meatballs, ham, my yogurt.”
Charles: “Wow, that’s a lot of yogurt.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “I love yogurt.” (1×10 – Thanksgiving)

Captain Holt: “Are you ready for your first briefing?”
Amy: “Yes, I am fully prepared. I just wanna establish myself as a leader right away.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Just be confident, deliberate and firm. You’ll know you have their respect when you can take a moment [pours a cup of coffee] and still keep their attention.”
Amy: “Amazing.”
Rosa: “That was captivating as hell.” (5×16 – NutriBoom)

Charles: “I got the squad to volunteer a little bit of their off time to help you and your family out.
I’ll make dinner once a week. Everyone else volunteered babysitting time. And Hitchcock offered massage sessions for your wife.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “What?”
Charles: “So I pepper sprayed him.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “You’re a good man, Charles.” (3×4 – The Oolong Slayer)

Sergeant Jeffords: “Look, man, I’ve got two kids, a job, and a very pregnant wife. I get one hour a week to myself on Sundays.
You know what I do with that time? I run a hot bubble bath, wheel in a TV, and watch sports bloopers.”
Charles: “Sports bloopers?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “They’re hilarious and relaxing, and they humanize my heroes.” (3×6 – Into The Woods)

Captain Holt: “Tell me about Peralta.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Jacob Peralta is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn’t solved is how to grow up.”
Captain Holt: “That was very well put.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “I’ve talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally-mandated therapy sessions.” (1×1 – Pilot)

[about a year later:]
Sergeant Jeffords: “Now that that’s been sorted, are there any questions?”
Jake: “Yes! I have a question! Captain Jeffords, are you ready for the Halloween Heist?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “What are you doing, Peralta? Last year was the final heist. We all agreed it was over.”
Jake: “Ah, Terry, you jolly simpleton. That was obviously a ruse. I mean, did you really think I was gonna let Hitchcock win the last heist? I mean, that would be crazy! Hitchcock? It would’ve been unforgivable.”
Hitchcock: “That’s true, it felt wrong.”
Captain Holt: “I know someone who’s in. The old janitor, which is actually me! Deputy Commissioner Raymond Holt.”
Amy: “And he’s not the only one. I’m in too.”
Rosa: “Me too.”
Gina: “As am I. Gina Linetti.”
Jake: “That’s right, Terry, this is happening every year. We’re in each other’s lives forever, whether you like it or not. So, what do you say, Captain? Are we doing this?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “What I say is… Nine-Nine!”
All: “Nine-Nine!” (8×10 – The Last Day Part 2)

Thank you for visiting my blog and reading today’s post, I hope you all have a great day and an even better week! Until next week, see you then.