Best Charles Boyle Quotes!

Good morning guys! Did you all have a good August? I can’t believe it’s September already, as we were so busy last month with numerous hospital and doctor appointments, the weeks have just been rolling into one, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to quieten down anytime soon. This past week has been quite full-on, as my mum’s birthday is this month, I’ve been trying to find something special to get her (thankfully I’ve now managed to order her something after a bit of research)! Next, we’ve had to get my dad in to see the doctor as he’s been having problems with his bladder which is affecting his stomach (fingers crossed it can be treated and isn’t anything too serious). Then, we’ve each written a letter to the courts regarding my health and why we disagree with the previous decision made on why I should receive a claim I’d made last year, and because I had to go back through my history, it physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted me, so I’ve been really poorly all week but enough of my rambling, let’s get on with today’s post!

We’re back with the fifth installment of Character Quotes from one of my favorite comedy shows Brooklyn 99 and this week is the turn of the mild-mannered, eccentric, and optimistic Charles Boyle…There are several great detectives on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but none of them are quite as wise or as smooth as Detective Charles Boyle. Rarely does Charles get the credit he deserves as most people write him off as a bumbling goof whose main goal in life is to be best friends with Jake. He has a tremendously good heart, and he seems to genuinely love and care about his coworkers (most especially Jake). He’s also relentlessly optimistic, determined to weather the many challenges that are thrown his way. While all of this may be true, Charles does have his moments where he’s not a total goof. Actually, quite often he is full of wisdom that only a Boyle man can possess and pass on to his very best friends in the most hilarious manner.  Let’s take a look at some of his best quotes…

Sergeant Jeffords: “So we have good news and we have bad news.”
Charles: “My Nana always said, “Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie.” Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.” (1×15 – Operation Broken Feather)

Charles: “Is the equipment secure?”
Jake: “Check.”
Charles: “Weapon loaded?”
Jake: “Check.”
Charles: “Did you have breakfast?”
Jake: “What? That’s not on the checklist.”
Charles: “I added it because I care about you.”
Jake: “No, I did not have breakfast.”
Charles: “Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.”
Jake: “Hey, there’s little chocolate chips in this.”
Charles: “Yeah, I’m not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.” (3×6 Into The Woods)

Charles: “Okay, first of all, Rosa, you look amazing. Secondly, I made an appointment at the salon with Nikki, for you, under the name Gabriella Fuentes de San Miguel Estrada. I had fun with the name.”
Rosa: “Clearly.” (5×12 – Safe House)

Charles: “I want to send someone into holding, undercover as a perp, to see if they can get him to open up.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Why don’t you do it? You’re always going on about your acting abilities and that time you played Annie.”
Charles: “I’m an adult man, Sarge. I didn’t play Annie. I was in “Annie.” I played Miss Hannigan.” (6×9 – The Golden Child)

Jake: “Are you guys wearing one scarf?”
Genevieve: “Yep, Charles forgot his this morning. It’s actually quite romantic. I think he did it on purpose.”
Charles: “Uh, let’s just say, I definitely did it on purpose. Now, twirl me, darling!” (3×11- Hostage Situation)

Jake: “Come on, you know we didn’t commit arson.”
Charles: “Adrian, this is us.”
Jake: “Not the TV show.”
Charles: “We are your friends.”
Jake: “Not the movie.”
Charles: “You got to have faith.”
Jake: “Not the song. Are you doing this on purpose?”
Charles: “The third one, yes.” (5×18 – Gray Star Mutual)

Charles: “Oh, my God, this is a dream come true. I gotta get my phone I gotta film this. Oh, but then I’ll miss it. Oh, but I want it forever. Agh, but I should stay in the moment. Ah, but then I’ll forget. Oh, my God, this is a nightmare.” (4×4 – The Night Shift)

Charles: “Cluck, cluck! Gobble, gobble! Guess who just came from the P.S. 321 Thanksgiving Parade?”
Jake: “Charles, you actually might-“
Charles: “Who’s Charles? I’m Tommy Gobbler. And I’m stuffed with Thanksgiving happiness! Gobble, gobble!”
Jake: “Seriously, Charles-“
Charles: “Uh-uh, I warned you! I’m Tommy Gobbler, you silly pilgrim.”
Jake: “Okay, Tommy Gobbler.”
Charles: “There you go!”
Jake: “These are the Davidsons. They want to know what happened to their missing grandmother.”
Charles: “I have some deeply tragic news for you.” (3×8 – Ava)

Jake: “All right. I guess this is happening. Touch gloves. Charles, it’s been very nice being your friend. Terry, I’ll visit you in prison. And… [bell ringing] Fight.”
Charles: “Strawberry basket!”
Sergeant Jeffords: [groans]
Charles: “Whoo, yeah! You mess with Grandma, you’re gonna get the basket!”
Jake: “Charles, you punched him in the nards.”
Charles: “Yeah, Nana fought nasty. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like those tickets.” (7×7 – Ding Dong)

Charles: “I got to sound badass in case anybody watches the footage, capiche? Aah! Oh, I just spilled soup on the cam!”
Rosa: “Why do you have soup on a stakeout?”
Charles: “Oh, no. Crap! Oh, it’s not turning back on. Do you think Sarge is gonna be mad that I spilled “fuh” on the cam?”
Rosa: “He definitely will if you say pho like that when you tell him.”
Charles: “”I’m not gonna mispronounce it. Not while you’re rolling.” (3×14 – Karen Peralta)

Jake: “Listen, you can’t do this, Charles; It’s illegal.”
Charles: “I have to. You saw what Eleanor did to millions of my babies. I heard them scream!”
Jake: “That was you.”
Charles: “I am them, and they are me.” (3×11 – Hostage Situation)

Charles: “It’s just- Adoption is complicated. No matter how much I want to be, I’m not Nikolaj’s real father.”
Jake: “Come on, Charles. Of course, you are.”
Charles: “Well, that’ll be up to him. And he may even change his mind about it throughout his life. I mean, all I can do is make him feel safe and give him as much love as I can.”
Jake: “Well, I think Nikolaj is very lucky to have you.”
Charles: “Nikolaj.” (6×10 – Gintars)

Charles: “Oh, God, they’re gonna shut this precinct down and separate me and Jake. Our friendship is over. If he doesn’t see my face every day, he’ll forget who I am. He’s like a goldfish.” (4×13 – The Audit)

Captain Holt: “Boyle?”
Charles: [crying] “Nikolaj is a picky eater! I lied about his palate. All he drinks is milk. All he eats is buttered noodles.”
Captain Holt: “And perhaps my walnut pie?”
Charles: “I wish. He hates nuts. My son is a basic bitch.” (5×7 – Two Turkeys)

Captain Holt: “And now it’s time to send in our cute little secret weapon.”
Charles: “I’m ready, Captain. I love the nickname.”
Captain Holt: “No, Charles, not you. I was talking about Cheddar.”
Charles: “Oh, right, obviously.” (4×5 – Halloween IV)

Charles: “Lucky for you, Amy, I am an unlicensed doula. I’ve delivered three of my cousins and one of my uncles long story.”
Jake: Go away!”
Charles: “Yes, Papa.” (4×16 – Moo Moo)

Jake: “You know, you’ve been acting weird about Stevie all day. I think you might be jealous.”
Charles: “Of course I’m jealous. I was never hiding that.”
Jake: “How?”
Charles: “He’s tall. He’s funny. He can pull off an earring.”
Jake: “He doesn’t have an earring.”
Charles: “But we both know he’d look good with one.” (3×15 -The 9-8)

Charles: “Bye-bye “Toxic”. Bye-bye “Party in the USA”.”
Amy: “Hey, Charles. What are you doing?”
Charles: “I’m deleting all the upbeat music off my computer.”
Amy: “I know you’re down, but-“
Charles: “Bye-bye “Swish Swish Bish”. (5×5 – Bad Beat)

Charles: “Damn it, we have to shut them down.”
Rosa: “Wait. Let’s not be hasty about this. Let’s think this through. We wanna be smart about this.”
Charles: “Right, I mean, what if we bust them tonight, and then tomorrow I’m chasing a murderer, and I’m about to get him, and my foot cramps up?”
Rosa: “Due to lack of massaging.”
Charles: “And then the murderer gets away.”
Rosa: “And you know who he kills next? The mayor.”
Charles: “Oh, my God, the city has no mayor now.”
Rosa: “It’s chaos. Rioting, looting, panic in the streets.”
Charles: “They gotta call in the National Guard, there’s tanks rolling down 5th Avenue, declaring martial law.”
Rosa: “It’s insane. All because we shut down the foot massage place.”
Charles: “That was doing God’s work. What were we thinking.”
Rosa: “So it’s agreed: we let them stay open for the sake of the city.”
Charles: “For the sake of the city.”
Rosa: “We have to do our stupid jobs, don’t we?”
Charles: “Yeah, let me get my stupid gun.” (4×9 – The Overmining)

Marcus: “It was all Charles’s idea.”
Charles: “I told you I knew you, Ro-ro.”
Rosa: “Thank you. But never call me Ro-ro again.”
Charles: “Oh, but I will. I’ve earned this…Happy B-day, Ro-ro.” (2×23 – Johnny & Dora)

Charles: “Sorry, vote’s in. 13-2, Iowa.”
Gina: “For now, but I have a whole day of Boyle cousins scheduled, starting with Bobby Boyle at 3:00 for afternoon eggs.”
Charles: “You think you can pick us off one-by-one?”
Gina: “Yeah.”
Charles: “Well, you can. Boyles are very weak as individuals. But, together, we’re unbreakable. I’m calling a council of the cousins!” (4×8 – Skyfire Circle)

Captain Holt: “Well done, Boyle. You’ve executed this mission flawlessly. I’m impressed.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Wait, if you were gonna use Diaz the whole time, why didn’t you just tell us that?”
Charles: “Because you two would have given it away with your terrible acting. No offense, but I can read every emotion you’re feeling on your face.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Can you read this one?”
Charles: “Actually, yes. You’re trying to be tough, but inside, you’re super impressed by what I’ve accomplished today.”
Sergeant Jeffords: “Damn, you’re right. You’re good.” (6×9 – The Golden Child)

Jake: “Nope, same unjuicy case. New juicer attitude. The way I see it, if this is to be our last ride then let us go out in a blaze of glory.”
Charles: “Ooh.”
Jake: “Charles, think about anything you ever wanted to do on a case. We’re doing it today.”
Charles: “Oh, hence the beanbags.”
Jake: “Hence is right, and also hence we’re gonna drive around in the coolest undercover car in the impound lot.”
Charles: “Herbie from “Herbie Fully Loaded.”
Jake: “What? No. You really think “Herbie Fully Loaded” was on the impound lot.”
Charles: “Without a doubt.”
Jake: “Well, anyway, it’s a Mustang. It’s got a stripe down the middle.”
Charles: “Like Herbie.”
Jake: “Okay.” (4×15 – The Last Ride)

Adrian Pimento: “Four month? No, no, no. I watched this last night. That doesn’t make any- Where am I? What is that table?”
Jake: “Calm down. You’re at the Nine-Nine, and you know what a table is.”
Adrian Pimento: “I don’t remember coming here. How did I get here?”
Jake: “Oh, my God. Pimento has “Memento” disease. Your memory is resetting like the guy from the movie “Memento.””
Both: “What?”
Jake: “You guys never saw “Memento”? It’s the guy with no short-term memory, you know, Christopher Nolan’s first movie.”
Charles: “Is it like Dory from “Finding Dory,” she keeps forgetting where she’s swimming?”
Jake: “No, no, it’s like-“
Adrian Pimento: “Dory, yeah, yeah, yeah! I’m like the forgetful little fish.”
Jake: “Oh, I mean, yeah, it’s like that, but it’s also like-“
Charles: “That’s what Dory says.”
Adrian Pimento: “Classic Dory, Jake!”
Jake: “Ugh, you guys really ruined the coolness of this “Memento” thing.”
Adrian Pimento: “Also, Jake, “Following” is Christopher Nolan’s first movie. You sound like a grade A[bleep] out here.” (7×3 – Pimento)

Jake: “Like I said, Sal’s is an institution, and it’s the best pizza in the neighborhood.”
Charles: “I’m sorry, Jake. Sal’s is only the 8th best. I’ve put out a weekly Brooklyn pizza ranking e-mail blast. Sal’s has the 4th best texture, 9th best crust, 12th best cheese, and honestly, they’re only 7th in mouth feel.”
Jake: “Mouth feel? What is that?”
Charles: “The inside of your cheeks are very sensitive. It’s like the inside of your thighs except with a tongue.” (1×9 – Sal’s Pizza)

Thank you for visiting my blog and taking the time to read today’s post, I hope you all have a good week and manage to stay dry if what the weather has predicted (heavy downpours & strong winds) for the rest of the week is correct. For now, though I shall say see you next Wednesday!