Phoebe Buffay Quotes

Good Morning everyone, how are you all? Doing Ok I hope! It has been so hot this week, I’ve nearly passed out a few times from heatstroke but luckily I’ve had two fans on me and nice cold drinks and a cool pack, so I’ve been using every attempt to keep cool!😎 we went and visited Kim, Chris and Isaac on Sunday, it was so nice to hug them and just have a talk and catch-up, I do miss them, and it’s really hard sometimes as we live quite far away from each other, but it makes it even more special when we do go up to see them. We especially wanted to go this weekend as it’s Kim’s Birthday on Tuesday and because my dad works on Tuesdays, Sunday was the only chance we had to see her! I also had my first vaccination…Finally!😀

This week is the final installment of the main six FRIENDS and we’re finishing off with a bang, she’s my other favorite character (maybe because I’m a lot like her, or I’ve been told I am!) its only the crazy (in the best way possible) and funny Phoebe Buffay aka Miss Princess Consuela Bananahammock.! Lets get on with the quotes….

Best Phoebe Quotes

Rachel: No. No, Emma dropped her sock.
Monica: Mom’s here? I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town.
Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby’s sock is on the ground.
Phoebe: It’s a good toast.
Rachel: Look, will you please get her attention?
Ross: Oh. Mommy? Mother. [mouths] Sock.
Phoebe: Oh, for God’s sake. Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! (9×5 – The One With Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner)

Phoebe: Hello!
Mike: Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents, Theodore and Bitsy.
Phoebe: [in Katharine Hepburn voice] Theodore, Bitsy. What a delight.
Bitsy: It’s so nice to finally meet you.
Phoebe: And you. Your home is lovely.
Bitsy: Well, thank you. I’ll give you a tour later. It’s actually three floors.
Phoebe: Holy crap! (9X7 The One With Ross’s Inappropriate Song)

Monica: I mean, what about friends of your grandma? Wouldn’t they have the recipe?
Phoebe: Well, you know, I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, “Nestle Toulouse.”
Monica: What was her name?
Phoebe: Nestle Toulouse.
Monica: Nestlé Toll House?
Phoebe: Ugh. You Americans always butcher the French language.
Monica: Phoebe, is this the recipe?
Phoebe: Yes! Oh.
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out that recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time.
Phoebe: I know! You see, it is stuff like this which is why you’re burning in hell! (7×3 – The One Phoebe’s Cookies)

Ross: You guys know that Rachel and I slept together, but there’s something else. Rachel’s pregnant.
Phoebe: Holy mother of God!
Joey: Oh, my God. I can’t believe it!
Ross: With my child.
Phoebe: That is brand-new information!
Ross: You already know, don’t you?
Phoebe: A little bit. (8×3 – The One Where Rachel Tells…)

Phoebe: Hello. This is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologize. I shouldn’t have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady’s hand. It was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo. (9×18 – The One With The Lottery)

Phoebe: [answers phone] Hi, Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?
Monica: Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
Phoebe: I’m sorry, who’s this?
Monica: Phoebe, there’s a dog sitting on my couch.
Chandler: Tell her I’m allergic, and I will sue!
Phoebe: No, there’s no dog here.
Monica: Yes, there is! He’s black and white and shaggy, and he’s sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel’s hand.
Phoebe: Oh, my God! Where are you? [knock at the door] They’re here already? How are they doing this?!(7×8 – The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs)

Joey: So Ross and Rachel got married. Monica and Chandler almost got married. You think we should hook up?
Phoebe: Oh, we do. But not just yet.
Joey: Really? Well, when?
Phoebe: Well, first Chandler and Monica will get married, and be filthy rich, by the way. But it won’t work out.
Joey: Wow.
Phoebe: I know. Then I’m going to marry Chandler for the money. And you’ll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Joey: Great.
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and that’s when we get married. We’ll have Chandler’s money and Rachel’s kids. And getting custody will be easy because of Rachel’s drinking problem.
Joey: Ooh, ooh, what about Ross?
Phoebe: I don’t want to go into the whole thing. But we have words and I kill him.(6×2 – The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel)

Phoebe: Oh, look! There’s Monica and Chandler. Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Oh! Oh! Oh! Chandler and Monica! Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Oh, my eyes! My eyes! (5×14 – The One Where Everybody Finds Out)

Phoebe: Hey, who is that guy? I think I know him.
Monica: No, you don’t.
Rachel: No, you don’t.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. Monica, he’s the stripper from your bachelorette party.
Chandler: Her what?
Phoebe: Your secret bachelorette party.
Chandler: You had a bachelorette party?
Phoebe: She untied his G-string with her teeth. Somebody stop me! ( 8×8 – The One With The Stripper)

Phoebe: You guys, you’re going to have a baby. They’re going to have a baby!
Frank: My sister’s going to have my baby! (4×12 – The One With The Embryos)

Phoebe: Hello, “ja”. It’s time for your massage, “ja”? Put your face in the hole.
Rachel: A Swedish massage from a real Swedish person.
Phoebe: Okay, then I’m Swedish.
Rachel: So, what’s your name?
Phoebe: It’s a normal Swedish name. Ikea.
Rachel: Wow. What an interesting name.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: You know, l-
Phoebe: Time for your scalp massage.
Rachel: Wow. I really love your-[gasps]
Phoebe: Is something wrong?
Rachel: No, it’s just- It just feels so good, Ikea. Hey, say, you’ll know this. What’s the capital of Sweden?
Phoebe: Um … Stockholm.
Rachel: Damn. I wish I knew if that was right. (9×21 – The One With The Fertility Test)

[Phoebe is holding pastries to her ears to look like Princess Leia]
Phoebe: Rach, look. Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me? There he is. (3×1 – The One With The Princess Leia Fantasy)

Phoebe: We haven’t known each other for that long a time. And, um, there are three things you should know about me: One, my friends are the most important thing in my life. Two, I never lie. And three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (1×12 – The One With The Dozen Lasagnas)

Amanda: Gosh, this is brilliant. Gosh, it’s just like old times. I’m so happy you two are friends again.
Monica: When were we not friends?
Phoebe: Well, it was 1992. And I remember, because that was the year I had sex with Evel Knievel.
Monica: We were friends in 1992.
Amanda: No, I distinctly remember you were dodging her calls and trying to avoid seeing her.
Monica: You were going to cut me out?
Phoebe: Well, kind of.
Monica: Oh, my God!
Amanda: Oh, bugger. Should I not have said that? Urgh. I feel like a perfect arse.
Phoebe: Well, in America, you’re just an ass. (10×3 – The One With Ross’s Tan)

Ross: That’s right. I love you. And I’m gonna play with you all the time.
Phoebe: How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
Rachel: He’s talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh! Okay. Okay, because when he said, “I can’t wait to hear your first words” I thought, “There’s a trick.” (8×10 – The One With Monica’s Boots)

Phoebe: [sultry voice] Mr. Bing’s office. No, sorry, he’s in a meeting right now.
Chandler: I’m not in a meeting. I’m right-
Phoebe: And will he know what this is in reference to? And he has your number? All right, I’ll see that he gets the message. Bye-bye. [normal voice] Ross says hi. (1×22 – The One With The Ick Factor)

Phoebe: Welcome to the Fu-
Monica: Phoebe.
Phoebe: All right, I’m sorry. But these people needed me. They work hard all week. It’s Saturday night. They deserve to have a little fun. Go! (2×22 – The One With The Two Parties)

Ross: I just spoke to Carol. Ben’s got chickenpox.
Rachel: Oh, no.
Ross: Yeah, so if you haven’t had it, chances are you’ll get it.
Rachel: I’ve had it.
Joey: I’ve had it.
Monica: Had it.
Chandler: Had it.
Phoebe: I’ve never had it. I feel so left out. Oh, look! (2×23 – The One With The Chicken Pox)

[Phone ringing. Phoebe runs into Chandler’s apartment:]
Phoebe: Okay, if you’re alive, you answer your phone! (3×8 – The One With The Giant Poking Device)

Phoebe: I’m setting the phone down. But I’m still here. Just don’t go anywhere. I’m still here.
Don’t switch or anything, because I’m right here. Just one sec. One sec. One second! Wait! One second! Just…
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Monica, I’m scared!
Monica: Honey, that’s a sleeve. Also, we have speakerphone. (3×22 – The One With The Screamer)

Phoebe Abbott: It’s not like we don’t have anything in common. I mean, I like pizza.
Phoebe: I like pizza!
Phoebe Abbott: You do? Wait, I like the Beatles.
Phoebe: Oh, my God! So do l.
Phoebe Abbott: I knew it.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, wait. Puppies. Cute or ugly?
Phoebe Abbott: Aw, so cute!
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Phoebe Abbott: You see?
Phoebe: But I’m still mad at you. I know.
Phoebe Abbott: I’m mad at me too.
Phoebe: Well, do you want to get something to eat? I’m kind of hungry.
Phoebe Abbott: Hey, me too.
Phoebe: Okay, stop it. Now you’re just doing it to freak me out. (4×1 – The One With The Jellyfish)

Monica: I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I thought she could change.
Phoebe: Who cares what your mom thinks? So you “pulled a Monica.”
Monica: Oh, good. I’m glad that’s catching on.
Phoebe: But why does that have to be a bad thing? Just change what it means. Go down there and prove your mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and we’ll call that “pulling a Monica.”
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Okay, if a kid gets straight A’s, his parents say, “You pulled a Monica.” Or if a fireman saves a baby, they’d go “Oh, yeah. He pulled a Monica.” Or someone hits a home run, and they say, “That one’s out of here.” Because some things don’t change. (4×4 – The One With The Cuffs)

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Went to the store, Sat on Santa’s lap, Asked him to bring my friends, All kinds of crap, Said all you need is, To write them a song, Now you haven’t heard it yet, So don’t try to sing along, No, don’t sing along, Monica, Monica Have a happy Hanukah, Saw Santa Claus, He said hello to Ross, And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy, And Rachel and Chandler, [indistinct]
Happy holidays, everybody! (4×10 – The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie)

Nurse: Have you started having contractions?
Phoebe: Not yet. But I’ve heard they really hurt. Do they?
Nurse: Well-
Phoebe: Oh, my God.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father?
Phoebe: No, none of them are. The father is my brother.
Nurse: Okay.
Rachel: I am so going to miss watching you freak people out like that. (5×3 The One Hundredth)

Phoebe: Oh, they see us. Oh, they look mad. Oh, they figured it out. Oh, they’re coming this way. Run!
Joey: Where?
Phoebe: Mexico! (9×14 – The One With The Blind Dates

Thank you for reading my blog! I hope you enjoy the sunny weather and wear sunscreen 🌞 Enjoy the rest of your week, and I shall see you next Wednesday!