Homer Simpson Quotes!

Morning lovelies! Hope everyone’s well 🤞🏼 Has everybody managed to adjust to the clocks going back? I must say I was looking forward to having an extra hour in bed 😊, but my body decided to wake up earlier than usual, so I didn’t really get to have a lie-in. It did mean that we managed to get through some errands quicker and earlier, which in turn meant we actually got to have a bit of a rest before the madness started all over again 😝 
And let me tell you, it’s been one of those couple of weeks where everything seemed to happen all at once — the kind where you barely have time to catch your breath before the next thing pops up 😮‍💨. It started off on a slightly sour note when someone came by for a house appointment, only to show up a whole half hour early and act rudely the entire time. Not exactly the best start to the day! 😫
In the midst of that, my dad’s been having a bit of a rough patch with his health. He had yet another blood test, which came back showing his testosterone levels are still low 😟. On top of that, he had an appointment at the hospital about his sleep apnoea — turns out from a test he had to undergo a few months back, he stopped breathing nine times during the night, which is more than the usual five most people experience 😳 . We’re hoping the doctors can help him sort that out soon 🤞.
Also, my mum was meant to have her endoscopy procedure this week as well for an ongoing issue with her digestive system, but they cancelled it at the last minute, literally just as we arrived at the hospital. She was really upset — but we understood the reasoning on why they didn’t want to proceed, as the last time she had it done was way before she had her operation last year, and because of the symptoms she’s suffering with, they don’t want to run the risk of perforating anything inside especially if theres an obstruction, and putting her life in danger (which we understood) but it was just frustrating that they left it so last minute to tell us 😠 She now has to wait for another test to be done (a barium swallow) which will tell us if she needs to undergo another operation. 
But it wasn’t all stress and hospital visits. My dad also celebrated his birthday on October 19th. He didn’t want to do much (he wanted to have just one lazy day), so we made sure he got the relaxing day he wanted — just movies, comfort food, and no fuss. And to balance things out even more with some extra pure joy, my youngest nephew turned two! 🎉 We threw a fun little party for him, complete with a cake, balloons, and plenty of giggles 🤭 It was absolute chaos, but such a fun day, and as long as the little man enjoyed himself (which he did), it was worth seeing the smile on not just his face but everyone else’s as well 😀. Anyway, I think that’s enough rambling, shall we move on to today’s post…

As it’s Bonfire Night next week during my two-week break, it made me think of my grandad — the undisputed king of Bonfire Night in our family. He loved the excitement, the fireworks, and above all, he loved The Simpsons. It popped up in my notifications that it’s also Dan Castellaneta’s birthday — the brilliant man behind the voice of Homer Simpson, my grandad’s all-time favourite character. So, in honour of my grandad and to celebrate Dan’s birthday, I thought it would be fun to share some classic Homer Simpson quotes that always made him laugh. Happy Birthday, Dan — thanks for giving the world (and my grandad) so many moments of joy and laughter!

The Man Behind The Voice — Dan Castellaneta

About Dan Castellaneta
Dan Castellaneta is an American actor, comedian, and writer, best known as the voice behind one of television’s most iconic characters — Homer Simpson. Born on October 29, 1957, in Chicago, Illinois, Dan’s career took off when The Simpsons first appeared as short sketches on The Tracey Ullman Show in 1987. When the series became its own show in 1989, Dan’s unforgettable performance as Homer — with his trademark “D’oh!” and perfect mix of foolishness and heart — made him a household name. Beyond Homer, Dan has brought life to dozens of other beloved Springfield residents, including Grampa Simpson, Krusty the Clown, Barney Gumble, and Mayor Quimby. Over the years, his work has earned him multiple Emmy Awards and garnered the admiration of fans worldwide. Off-screen, Dan is also a talented writer, stage performer, and philanthropist — but to millions, he’ll forever be the voice that gave Homer Simpson his soul.

Homer: “Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.” (5×8 – Boy Scoutz ‘n the Hood)

Homer: “Marge, it takes two to lie – one to lie, and one to listen.”
Marge: “What does that mean?” (3×20 – Colonel Homer)

Homer: [to Bart] “I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.” – (2×11 – One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish)

Homer: “If You’re Unhappy With Your Job, You Don’t Strike. You Just Go In There Every Day And Do It Really Half-Assed.” – (6×21 – The PTA Disbands)

Homer: “Here are your messages: “You have thirty minutes to move your car.” “You have ten minutes.” “Your car has been impounded.” “Your car has been crushed into a cube.” “You have thirty minutes to move your cube.”
[the phone rings]
Homer: “Y’ello, Mr. Burns’ office.”
C. Montgomery Burns: “Is it about my cube?”
Homer: “No, it’s Mr. Smithers. He’s calling for you.” (7×17 – Home the Smithers)

Lisa Simpson: “Would you guys turn that down!”
Homer Simpson: “Sweetie, if we didn’t turn it down for the cops, what chance do you have?” (11×10 – Little Big Mom)

Marge: “We don’t think you’re slow… but on the other hand, it’s not like you go to museums or read books or anything.”
Homer: “Do you think I don’t want to? It’s those TV networks, Marge! They won’t let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves! But they won’t! They won’t let me live!” (5×22 – Secrets of a Successful Marriage)

Homer Simpson: “I can’t fake an interest in this, and I’m an expert at faking an interest in your kooky projects.”
Marge Simpson: “What kooky projects?”
Homer Simpson: “You know, the painting class, the first aid course, the whole Lamaze thing.” (4×2 – A Streetcar Named Marge)

Marge Simpson: “Why so glum?”
Homer: [sigh] “I got a problem. Once you stop this car, I’m gonna hug you. And kiss you. And I’ll never be able to let you go.”
Homer: [Flashes back to the present] “And I never have.” (2×12 – The Way We Was)

Homer: “They expect me to wait here from 9 to 5? That’s… how many hours?”
[looks at watch; counts fingers]
Homer: “10, 11… denominator… Aww, where’s Lisa when ya need her?” (9×1 – The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson)

[Homer can’t stop the monorail]
Marge: “Homer, there’s a man here who thinks he can help you.”
Homer: “Batman?”
Marge: “No, he’s a scientist.”
Homer: “Batman’s a scientist.
Marge: “It’s not Batman.” (4×12 -Marge vs, The Monorail)

Homer: “God, if you really are God, you’ll get me tickets to that game.”
[doorbell rings]
Ned Flanders: “Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick…”
Homer: [slams the door, looks heavenward] “Why do you mock me, O Lord?”
Marge: “Homer, that’s not God. That’s just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.”
[Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer’s hands]
Homer: “I know I shouldn’t eat thee, but…”
[bites]
Homer: “Mmm, sacrilicious.” (5×16 – Homer Loves Flanders)

Homer: [Using a trick he learned watching a certain movie] “I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called… “The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.” (8×10 – The Springfield Files)

Editor: “We’re looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn’t immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.”
Homer: “Nah, it usually takes a few hours.” (11×3 – Guess Who’s Coming To Criticize Dinner?)

Homer: “It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.” (4×10 – Lisa’s First Word)

Bart: “Can we keep him, Dad? Please?”
Homer: “But he’s a loser. He’s pathetic. He’s…”
[the dog licks his face]
Homer: “A Simpson.” (1×1 – Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire)

Marge Simpson: [to Lisa] “Honey, that’s great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to…”
[looks up in surprise]
Marge Simpson: “How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?”
[cuts to Homer holding a pig to the ceiling]
Homer Simpson: [singing Tune to Spider-Man Theme Song] “Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing / from a web? / No, he can’t, / He’s a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!” (The Simpsons Movie)

Homer is ignorant, impulsive, quick to anger, and an alcoholic, but he is also loyal; he loves his kids, and he always makes the right choice by the end of the episode. He is the American everyman, with his dead-end job at the nuclear power plant, his house in the suburbs, his overworked wife, and 2.5 kids. It’s no wonder that Homer has become one of the most enduring and popular television characters of all time. Who hasn’t let out an angry “D’oh!” when they’ve stubbed their toe, or muttered “mmmmm… donuts” when biting into a delicious donut? His quotes have wormed their way into our brains because they are as identifiable as they are hilarious. So, before I sign off from this post, I would like to wish Dan Castellaneta a very Happy Birthday! Thank you for creating such an unforgettable voice and character in Homer Simpson — your talent continues to brighten lives everywhere.

Thank you for coming to my blog and reading today’s post. I’m signing off for a little while — but don’t worry — I’ll be back before you know it in two weeks. Take care, and I shall see you then!