Morning everyone, hope your all ok. First things first, I just want to apologise for the lack of post last week, my family and I each got struck down with the flu. My dad ended up bringing it into our house after working in the torrential downpour that happened a couple of weeks ago and just so kindly passed it on to me and my mum, none of us are fully back to health yet, but we’re on the mend. I did have a doctor’s appointment just before we got sick though, and I’m not going to lie – it was a bit of a waste of time, the doctor was 25 minutes late seeing me even though we arrived half an before my appointment time, and then when I was trying to talk to him, he was so abrupt and brash I felt as if I was a nuisance and taking up his time, so I ended up coming out of the surgery office close to tears, so I’ve also been dealing with my depression and mental health as well this week. But enough of that, I’m not going to take up any more time by waffling on as its time to get on with this week’s post.
As I’ve been getting over the flu and trying to work on getting my mental health back on track, and when I’ve not been doing little errands and making sure my mum gets back to health (she has an operation tomorrow), we’ve been watching Brooklyn 99 to give us a comedy boost, and funnily enough it just so happens to be the next instalment of the shows Character quotes, and this time it’s the turn of the main man in charge himself – Captain Raymond Holt…Holt became known on the show for his dry delivery, comedic timing, and his ability to quickly pivot from a light-hearted moment to one with more gravitas. Andre Braugher’s incredible deadpan delivery and the show’s sharp writing meant Holt had some of Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s funniest one-liners, but also memorable are his quotes that showed how much he cared about his team. He had genuine respect for his detectives and cared about all of them. He also had a scathing and dry wit. Braugher’s performance as Captain Holt stands as a key part of his remarkable acting legacy. There are several scenes that demonstrate why he was the best Captain of the 99 squad, and here are some of them…
Captain Holt: “As many of you know, Madeline and I were bitter rivals, but I’ve come to realize she held a special place in my life. No one challenged me like she did or made me feel as alive. Our relationship was like an epic chess match. And it’s hard to believe that… She’ll never make another move. [phone chimes] Unless… No, it’s just a notification. Cheddar’s doggy toothpaste has shipped. So she is gone, and I wish she were not. I will miss you, Madeline Wuntch.” (7×7 – Ding Dong)
Amy: “Captain, how are you feeling?”
Captain Holt: “Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.”
Amy: “Smart. Something bland.”
Captain Holt: “That’s my favorite breakfast.” (2×13 – Payback)
Sergeant Jeffords: “Should I just go tell everyone to buck up and do their jobs?”
Captain Holt: “No, the squad’s only on night shift because they came down to Florida to save Jake and me. It’s my responsibility to fix this, so I’m going to brighten the mood by telling a few jokes. Try this one on for size: I don’t care for cheese.I’m a curd-mudgeon. [silence] Wow. You’re too tired for humor.” (4×4 – The Night Shift)
Captain Holt: “Please be seated. Friends, colleagues, gawking New Yorkers, we are here today to celebrate the marriage of Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago. I’ve known you both for the last five years. And it has been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into what I’m sure will be a distracting childish marriage. I’m proud of you. And I love you both.”
Jake: “Permission to say it back?”
Captain Holt: “Permission granted.”
Amy: “I love you too, sir.”
Jake: “Love you, Captain.” (5×22 – Jake & Amy)
Captain Holt: “I do not have a problem. If I want to play Kwazy Cupcakes, I will play Kwazy Cupcakes. Kwazy is a difficult word to say in anger, but I think I’ve made my feelings clear.” (1×19 – Tactical Village)
Gina: “Hey, Craptain, you ready to get curb stomped?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “What?”
Gina: “At chess.”
Captain Holt: “We have a weekly match. I’m teaching Gina to play. And she, in turn, is teaching me to trash talk. The hospital called. Your test results came back positive. You’re a stage five dumbass.”
Gina: “Oh! You have come so far.” (6×4 – Four Movements)
Captain Holt: “Wait a minute this isn’t the championship cummerbund. This is some common cummerbund. And you’re not Cheddar. You’re just some common bitch.” (5×4- Halloveen)
Captain Holt: “Oh, I’ve caused a problem. I think I am getting a text message. Bloop. Ah, there it is.” (1×13 – The Bet)
Captain Holt: “Here are two pictures. One is your locker. The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?”
Jake: “That one’s the dump.”
Captain Holt: “They’re both your locker.” (1×2 – The Tagger)
Captain Holt: “More importantly, Wuntch got served. Oh my god, Wuntch sounds like lunch. Oh, this opens up so many new avenues.” (2×3 – The Jimmy Jab Games)
Captain Holt: “Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?”
Jake: “Yes.”
Captain Holt: “I was hula hooping. Kevin and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.”
Jake: “Oh, my God.”
Captain Holt: “I’ve mastered all the moves. [Shows photos on phone] The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.”
Jake: “Why are you telling me this?”
Captain Holt: “Because no one will ever believe you.” [Deletes photos from phone]
Jake: “You sick son of a bitch.” (1×21 – Unsolvable)
Captain Holt: “Yes, yes, come to papa. Raise it a grand! Call. Raise. A pair of candy canes. I’m all in, baby.”
Jake: “What are you doing, sir?”
Captain Holt: “Working the case. Sharpening my poker skills for Valdano.”
Jake: “Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and why are you watching this children’s beauty pageant?”
Captain Holt: “For fun, obviously. No, Jayla, don’t drop the baton. No, I had so much riding on you!” (5×5 – Bad Beat)
Rosa: “Sir, why didn’t you tell us?”
Captain Holt: “I didn’t want any of you entangled in this. This is my decision, and it’s also my responsibility.” (5×9 – 99)
Captain Holt: “I’d like to propose a toast. Even when Bob held that gun to my head, I was not afraid, because I knew you were on the case. I respect the hell out of each and every one of you. Nine-Nine.” (3×23 – Greg And Larry)
Captain Holt: “So, you’re leaving. That must’ve been a hard decision.”
Jake: “Honestly… [looks at Amy] It wasn’t.”
Captain Holt: “It’s funny. On my first day here, I asked Jeffords to tell me about everyone. He told me you were a great detective, but the one thing you couldn’t figure out was how to grow up. Well… I think you’ve finally figured it out.
Jake: Well, thank you, sir. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Captain Holt: “Over the years, you’ve sometimes referred to me as something of a father figure.”
Jake: “Did I? I didn’t realize that.”
Captain Holt: “But I want you to know if I had had a son and, uh, he had turned out like you, I would be very proud of him.”
Jake: “Thank you, sir. Wow. Wasn’t expecting to get this emotional.”
Captain Holt: “It’s not bad for an old robot, huh? Beep-borp. Zeep.”
Jake: [chuckles] “Sir, did you just make a joke?”
Captain Holt: “I believe I did, yes. I guess in the end, we rubbed off on each other quite a bit. Title of your sex movie. Did I do that right?”
Jake: “It was perfect.” [both chuckle softly] (8×10 – The Last Day (Part 2))
Amy: “Whoa, you really made the balloon arch.”
Captain Holt: “Made? No. I birthed her. There’s no form more graceful than the arch, no object more whimsical than the balloon.”
Amy: “Yes, you and I think that, but what will Rosa think?”
Captain Holt: “Good point. Rosa would want a much, much bigger balloon arch. Back to the balloon store.” (4×6 – Monster In The Closet)
Captain Holt: “And how am I supposed to get all the way up there?”
Gina: “Gracefully.”
Captain Holt: “Boost my bottom!”
Gina: “I’m boosting!”
Captain Holt: “Boost my bottom!”
Gina: “I’m boosting!”
Captain Holt: “Boost it!” (4×3 – Coral Palms Pt. 3)
Charles: “Yes. I’m so excited, Captain. So how are we gonna do it?”
Captain Holt: “Here’s everything you need to know.”
Charles: “It’s blank.”
Captain Holt: “It’s a metaphor. You get nothing. You lose. Good day, sir.”
Charles: “But we’re teammates. You chose me.”
Captain Holt: “You’re too close with Peralta. I don’t trust you. I only chose you to disrupt his plans. And now that you’ve served your purpose, you’re no longer needed.”
Charles: “I feel so used. Am I just a piece of meat to you?”
Captain Holt: “Yes. Now, put on a smile, Pork Chop.” (4×5 – Halloween IV)
Justice of the Peace: “We are gathered here to affirm the marriage of Raymond Holt and Kevin Cozner.”
Kevin: “We don’t have to do this. Everyone who’s not family has already gone home, and we need to hurry.”
Captain Holt: “No, this is important. Kevin Cozner… when we first got married, I thought of it primarily as a legal contract, which is why I memorized the entire federal tax code 301.7701-18, definitions pertaining to marriage.”
Jake: “And yet he can’t remember Mac’s name.”
Captain Holt: “But I finally learned what marriage really is. It’s not something you can memorize or an equation you can solve for. It’s the feeling you get when you look in your partner’s eyes. And that feeling is all that matters. Which is why I will now purge tax code 301.7701-18 from my memory so that I will have room to remember this moment forever. It’s done.”
Kevin: “Oh, Raymond.”
Justice of the Peace: “Raymond Holt, do you promise to continue to live in this marriage for richer or poorer, through sickness and in health as long as you two both shall live?”
Captain Holt: “I do. And, Kevin…”
Kevin: “Yes, yes, we’re still married. We really have to go.” (8×8 – Renewal)
Gina: “Captain, the commissioner called again. He wants to know when crime will be down.”
Captain Holt: “Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to tell him? I’m under so much pressure. I just can’t even.” (3×13 – The Cruise)
Captain Holt: “Almonds, nice choice.”
Jocelyn: “Oh, thanks. They’re, uh they’re not for me. They’re for my girlfriend, Detective Diaz.”
Captain Holt: “Oh, you must be Jocelyn.”
Jocelyn: “What? No, I’m Denise. Who’s Jocelyn? Is Rosa cheating on me?”
Captain Holt: “Oh, my-“
Jocelyn: “No, that was a joke. I’m sorry, I thought it would be funny. I am Jocelyn.”
Captain Holt: “Oh, that was actually very funny. I didn’t know what was happening, and then I thought I knew what was happening, but what I thought I knew was happening wasn’t what was happening. That’s very good.”
Jocelyn: “You must be Captain Holt.” (6×11 – The Therapist)
Dr. Ronald Yee: “I’m sorry, Detective Diaz. I know it’s upsetting when a hunch doesn’t pan out.”
Captain Holt: “Well, it’s over. The flies have it. Keep your eyes on the flies. Flies don’t lie. Now, that’s a good one. Oh, no, it’s Santiago’s. Damn it.” (6×10 – Gintars)
Captain Holt: “This is what I wanted to show you. Do you know what disappoints me most about this about this picture? That I’m not in it. I can’t remember the last time I saw the Nine-Nine so happy. And I wasn’t there.”
Jake: “‘Cause you were working on your presentation to get us a win.”
Captain Holt: “Yeah, well, it wasn’t a real win. I wish I had been in that photo.” (4×17 – Cop-Con)
Captain Holt: “I don’t always understand Peralta’s texts. He’s says they’re still waiting on the lab and it’s “allz good”, allz with a Z. Then a box with a question mark. Another box with a question mark. Another box with a question mark. Another box with a question mark. Another box with a question mark. And yet another box with a question mark. Then a box with a question mark. What does that mean?”
Sergeant Jeffords: “It means you don’t have emojiis on your phone.” (2×7 – Lockdown)
Captain Holt: “Well done, Olivia. Okay, tear that up, and now we just have to find your letter. What are the dimensions of your envelope?”
Olivia Crawford: “Zero by zero. It’s too late for me. I withdrew from the race by e-mail.”
Captain Holt: “What?”
Olivia Crawford: “Yes, I used e-mail, because I’m not a million years old. Listen, the only reason why I even made it this far is because you stood up for me with the selection committee. I came here to make sure that at least one of us stays in the running. Someone has to beat John Kelly. So you better get that damn job. ‘Cause I’m excited to have you as my commissioner.”
Captain Holt: “Thank you, Olivia. And I’ll be excited for you to be commissioner after me.”
Olivia Crawford: “That’ll probably be in a matter of months, once you die from old age. Go get ’em, Grandpa.” (5×21 – White Whale)
I’m going to end this post a little differently compared to the other character quotes to say a few words about Andre Braugher – the man who brought Captain Raymond Holt to life… Andre sadly passed away December 11 2023 aged just 61 after a short battle with lung cancer. He was a remarkable actor with many memorable roles, and just like in the show, no one can ever take Andre Braugher’s place as Captain Holt in our lives. The stoic persona paired with the personality of a goofball is a contrasting combination that very few people can achieve, but Braugher did it with such ease and perfection. Not to mention the countless life lessons he imparted knowingly or unknowingly, not just to his squad but also us viewers. So here’s to Andre Braugher aka Captain Raymond Holt, may you Rest In Peace.
Thank you for taking the time to come and visit my blog and reading today’s post. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week, and I will see you next Wednesday!
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